Making History At The Times
By Julie Wiener
09/04/2002

Once upon a time, Jews were rarely seen in The New York Times wedding announcements.

Now, the Gray Lady welcomes Jews and — as of this month — gays. In fact, the first same-sex union the paper featured was of two “nice Jewish boys.”

Daniel Gross, 32, and Steven Goldstein, 40, celebrated their union Saturday night with all the trappings of a traditional Jewish wedding: chuppah, rabbi, klezmer band, ketubah and breaking a glass (both men did the honor).

Rabbi David Steinberg, a Reconstructionist rabbi who heads a Reform temple in Plattsburgh, N.Y., officiated at the ceremony, which was held in Montreal.

The couple, who live in Brooklyn Heights and are members of the gay and lesbian synagogue, Congregation Beth Simchat Torah, even distributed custom-designed bentschers, or booklets with the post-meal blessing.

Goldstein was initially nervous about calling the Crown Heights bentscher inscriber, he told The Jewish Week.

“I started hemming and hawing and stammering and I said, ‘Listen, I want you to know what I’m about to tell you may in some way bother you. I want you to know how respectful we are as Jews of you as an Orthodox Jew,’ ” Goldstein recalled.

“Finally, he interrupts me and says, ‘What, you’re gay?’ I said, ‘Yes.’

He said, ‘Listen, I’m not going to give you a lecture, you’re not going to change and I don’t care if I write supercalifragilistic on the cover — it’s 30 cents a bentscher!’ ”

Six weeks ago, Gross and Goldstein wrote the Times, arguing that they and other same-sex couples should be included on the wedding pages. (The Jewish Week does not print announcements for gay and lesbian commitment ceremonies.)

The response: The policy was under review, but was not expected to change in time for the Gross-Goldstein ceremony. But two weeks ago, Goldstein opened up the paper early Sunday morning and read that the policy was changing.

Toby Usnik, a spokesman for the Times, said the newspaper’s change in policy “was not related to a specific request or a specific event.”

The criteria for inclusion of all couples — gay or straight — are “the newsworthiness and the accomplishments of the couple and or their families,” Usnik said.

In the case of Gross and Goldstein, those accomplishments were enough to make any Jewish mother proud. Goldstein, founder and owner of a public affairs consulting firm, graduated summa cum laude from Brandeis and holds a master’s degree from Harvard in public policy as well as journalism and law degrees from Columbia.

Gross, vice president of GE Capital, was a Fulbright scholar who graduated cum laude from Yale. He also earned a master’s degree in environmental management from Yale and an MBA.

The two describe themselves as “more Jewish activists than we are lesbian and gay activists,” and say their support for Israel “runs deep.”

Because of the Jewish holidays, a honeymoon is postponed for now. “But hopefully, we will take a honeymoon afterward and, Baruch Hashem, we’ll go to Israel,” Goldstein said.

Julie Wiener